Can You Trust Him?

A year ago, I would have called you crazy if you told me I would move to Hawaii, one of the most expensive places to live and become a full-time missionary. I would have thought you were even more insane if you were to tell me I would then move to Canada to start a new YWAM base. 

I simply didn’t think my life would go in that direction. 

So then, why am I here in Canada? How did I decide to make these huge life-changing decisions? I can’t explain it exactly but when I look back on what brought me to this moment, it all makes sense. 

I was on my Discipleship Training School (DTS) outreach in Papua New Guinea after completing the lecture phase at the University of the Nations, YWAM Kona. My team had just finished a week of teaching a “mini DTS” and I was preparing to go up and help lead worship. 

I am not a fan of doing things in front of crowds, but somehow, wasn’t worried. We had done the same routine every time we led worship, so we’d gotten our system down pat. It helps when you only know three songs. That’s when I felt the Holy Spirit speak. I felt like we needed to do something different for worship. 

Crap. 

Since I felt we had to change it up, I told the guitarist. We opened the worship time with the song, “No Longer Slaves”. This was my own personal warm up to remember to not give into my own fear. 

After the song, there was an awkward lull. The guitarist looked at me as if to say, “Well? What are you waiting for?” Looking at the Papua New Guineans around the room, I took a deep breath and reassured myself, “You can do this.” 

I told them I felt like God wanted us to speak out or sing out whatever He had been speaking to us individually, whether that was voicing a new commitment or telling Him how much we loved Him. For me personally, I knew I had to sing out what the Holy Spirit had put on my heart. The knots in my stomach, however, made it hard for me to do that audibly.

I was able to push my way through the chorus of a Chris Tomlin song: 

Where you go, I’ll go 
Where you stay, I’ll stay 
When you move, I’ll move 
I will follow you 

Who you love, I’ll love 
How you serve, I’ll serve 
If this life I lose
I will follow you 

My voice grew stronger every time I repeated the lyrics. Everyone in the room was singing at the top of their lungs. Some were singing with me and some were singing in the Spirit. Others were simply shouting prayers to the Father. It might have only lasted about 5 minutes but by the end, I was almost in tears. 

This story may seem like any other telling of overcoming fear in order to do what God is asking you to. What makes this story different for me is that it was a moment I still look back on today not just as a moment where I overcame fear, but a moment where I committed those words to heart. 

With each breath, I told the Lord I would go wherever He wanted to send me and do whatever he asked of me. 

Outreach was almost over and I was ready for God to capitalize on my commitment to Him and start speaking to me about where to go after outreach: the Jungle, Himalayas, Inner City, wherever. 

I was ready. 

What I wasn’t ready for was going home. I remember sitting in the prayer room utterly confused and distraught. I didn’t want to go back home, but the Lord had gently shut the door to every other opportunity. I kept thinking about what that meant. Before DTS, I had quit my job, sold my car, and terminated the lease on my apartment. Going home meant, at 23, I would be living with my mom again. No job. No car. No apartment. 

Why was God asking me to go back? Then I remembered that time in Papua New Guinea. 

Where you go, I’ll go 
Where you stay, I’ll stay 
When you move, I’ll move 
I will follow you 

I felt God ask me, “Are you really willing to go anywhere?” 

Convicted, I knew my interpretation of anywhere and God’s interpretation of anywhere were slightly different things. God knew I still had conditions. Although I had promised Him these things, walking them out was still a journey I needed to go on. 

Being home felt like a detour God was taking me on and it felt like He was teaching me how to live out the things He had spoken to me during my DTS. It ended up being a season of preparation and after nine months of being home, God opened the door for me to go back to Hawaii to staff with YWAM Ships Kona.

If this opportunity had been presented at any other time, I would have said no. It wasn’t where I had envisioned myself. Sure it was missions, but it was still in the US. Not to mention I would be working in an office. However, because God had been teaching me how to live out my promise, I said yes. He reminded me again of that time in Papua New Guinea. 

How you serve, I’ll serve

I felt God ask me again, “Are you willing to go anywhere?”

 Joining the staff with YWAM Ships Kona was another step of obedience and surrender to God’s plan. I had told Him I wanted to make myself available to serve Him anywhere. He was giving me another opportunity to walk that out. 

I’ve never, for an instant, regretted saying yes. Every time I say yes to what God is asking me to do, I can feel more and more of my anxiety and fear slip away. Every time I lay down my idea of what I should do, God shows up with plans that I like so much more. 

If this life I lose, I will follow you

God asked me to “lay down my life” and live it out according to His plans for me. I’m not perfect, but I can say that I like God’s anywhere way more than my own. 

As I continue to take steps of faith, I encourage you to do the same. 

Is God asking you to go somewhere or do something that you don’t understand? Maybe He’s closing a door to something that you thought you were gonna do. Sometimes we need to step into what He puts before us and open our hearts to the future He is trying to give us.

Sarah Gordon
YWAM Ships Kona Staff

 

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